| [ | FeEliNgZ |
| |  calm | ] |
| [ | TuNeZ |
| | FiRsT Of Da MoNtH * BoNe ThUgZ n HaRmoNy | ] |
hey babi, it is 3:45 in the morning and i went to sleep at like 11 *ShOcKeD FaCe* yea i went to bed early and like i was waitin for mua babi to call me and like he just did and so im talking to him :-D hehe .....
Mua sista came home this evening and like we got into a fight and it wasnt good... and so i went outside and talked to marissa for a good 3 hours and like i just poured mua heart out to her which i do to *NO-ONE* and like im so used to people comming to me with there issues and i never make tyme for muaself when i have so much goin on in mua lyfe and like no one knows about it but like what 2 people.... and that is like what Marissa and Max...
*pause for an hour*....*i just got back*....
But Max onli knows a half of it so i would say Marissa is like the onli person who really knows and understands what im saying and like i was cryin to her on the fone b/c there was so much i was telling her and how i truly feel and like it was just like uhhh i just let it all out on her and being the best friend she is she just sat there and listened and was there for me and like it was the hardest thing that i have ever done and like it was just wack.. i mean i feel alot better after talkin about it with her but i still feel the same way...
Newayz, i just got of the fone with max and we had a long talk about alot of stuff and i seriously think and im gonna have to make the strength to believe we are gonna last... i love him so much.. and i kno he knows i care about him so much and in so many ways and he knows i proved that to him and like he has every rite to feel the way he does about certain things and i am willing to give him tyme and i dont want to pressure him into saying or doin anythin that he dont want to do ... im happy he knows i care about him and im happy he knows that i will *AlWaYz* be here for him no matta wha... sumtymes people dont understand that u can grow to love sumone in a 2 weeks tyme... just sum people are ment to be like that...
Like i will admit i have told a couple of guyz in mua past i was in love with them and blah blah... but when it comes down to it and what mua heart says i was in love with one person in mua whole life and that was justin day and thats it.. and now ... now im more in love with this person that is so close but yet again soo far away and i kno we have our distance and that is one thing that scares me but he told me tonight he was like babi dont worry about it.. we will make it work and like he has on his profile the quote i put in here yesterday...
*I love him more then he'll ever know, and he loves me more then he'll ever show*
And like it is tru.... sooo tru... i KnOw now that he cares for me as much as i care for him... and in so many ways .... God... i dunno i just dont understand how i can be so happy but so torn at the same tyme... like im so incredibly happy with max and i *KNOW* our relationship is *GONNA* fuckin last , but i hate this distance... but im *SHURE* we can work it out no doubt that we can... i have faith... i love him and he loves me, we just have yet to say it to each other and i kno we both do and he knows we both do we are just waiting for the rite tyme which makes it even more special....
So i talked to him about the whole date thing.... and lets say im writing this as "yesterday" the 10th... it would have been 2 weeks since we have been talkin and a week since we have been goin out... so we started goin out on the 3rd.... so now i kno the date thingy hehe... but yea...
I was telling marissa how i feel like i got the 2 most important people with me all the tyme.. but they are with me in mua heart... not physically and like i was telling her how no one in mua family understands what im goin thru they dont understand that i havent been *HoMe* in 2 months and yes thats wat i look at naples as , as mua home cause it is, new york aint, fort laurderdale aint, and port charolette aint... at least not yet... unforitunitly it will soon turn into it... but what mua *FAMILY* does not realize is that i have a *LyFe* and *FrIeNdS* in naples... and no not *AlL* mua friends do drugs.... mua fuckin boyfriend doesnt even do drugs!!! ooo what a fuckin suprise i finnaly find a good caring guy!! who has a good fuckin head on his shoulders and who has a job, car and IS going to college and like anyways mua family ... not referring to any one specific... doesnt understand that i feel like i am being torn from this life that i used to lead and yes i can understand their reasoning for it... but takin me and leaving me away from mua best friend and mua boyfriend and mua other friends that arent doin shit that shouldnt be done... is not helping mua living situation at all.. and if anything it makes it a whole lot worse.... they say get a job everything will be better blah blah yea i want to get a job and maybe things will get better but u just cant forget about ur friends.. and mua family... mua whole lyfe is in naples.. everything,..... mua family.. who i look at as *Parents* and will till the day i die and mua friends ((good or bad)) and just mua whole lyfe and everything and i feel like im being shipped around here and there like they are trying to push me away from mua past but it will never go away no matter where i am i will always have it and the farther away u try to push it from me the closer it is to me... *AND* mua family wont even give me a chance to prove muaself... ok so they want me to get a job, so i want to get a job , i do... but for instance i want to go to mua *BEST FRIENDS* house for a week over summer... im 16, it is summer time... most of mua friends dont even have jobs they are living their summer up... im just getting a job cause i have no lyfe to live up cause i have no friends where im at and i dont do *ANYTHING* ... anyways so i want to stay at mua gurls house.... i have been sober since may 3rd and it isnt like i dont have a way of getting shit cause i do have a way... i have plenty of ways... but do mua family trust me... of course not.. so i try to go to marissa's for a week... just to be wit mua gurl and to just chyll and get all mua stress and depression i have had on mua back for the past 4 months off mua fuckin back... and *NO* i dont have to do drugs to do that... just being with mua best fuckin friend can do that... and yea maybe i would see mua boyfriend and go out with mua boyfriend to the movies or mall or something but they gotta understand that im not 12 anymore im 16 and keepin me on fuckin lock down doesnt help any at all... it just makes me want to get out more.... if u understand what i mean... and no im not threatning anyone or anything im just saying thats truly how i feel... im just basically saying mua family just dont understand that i have one good thing goin for me rite now and that is Max.... and i got 2 people who are most important to me in mua lyfe and that is Max and Marissa.. and it sucks cause everyone is always like "ohh family b4 friends" and yea i believe that... but why do i find mua self thinkin.... "do i honestly care more for mua friends then i do mua family" prolly cause i feel i have been shipped around so many different places and been put thru so much in mua fuckin lyfe.. and no thats not anybodies fault *BuT* when a kid is in need and which i am and i just want to go *ChYLl* for a week at mua girls house... and it is wat i really need... they dont understand that which they should and i wish they could.... i try so hard to talk to mua brother steve... he is the easiest person but the hardest person at the same tyme to talk to ... but i just cant seem to win with him, he always has to be rite, and like *No BoDy* understands what im goin thru and like i wish they did but they dont and i kno everybody has there own issues and no im not tryin to make this a poor sophia poor sophia entry ... im just fuckin talkin.. cause i *NeVer* fuckin talk and for once im fuckin talkin.. im sayin how i feel... i just asked mua brotha to go down to naples and stay at mua girls and i kno he is thinkin ohh hell nah i aint letting u do shit until u get a job and prove urself and i guess the reason i asked like at the beginning of july to go down was *BECAUSE* once i get a job im not gonna be able to take tyme off to go down and spend a week anywhere and im gonna have the job till school starts and then im gonna have an after school job so im not gonna have anytyme to be wit mua girl... u kno i have been thru soo much fuckin shit these past couple months... and like i just wish mua fuckin brother can realize and maybe have *SoMe* sort of sympathy on me and maybe just would have at least gave it thought to me goin down there b/c obviously he didnt and doesnt...but instead he ships me around to all these different places to try to help me when really it is just makin it worse...... im fuckin depressed just like any other teenager is now and i realize that im just sayin that when a kid is depressed why not at least try to help them out and when they cry out for something to help them... why not do it... seriously... no joke why not fuckin try to help ur *KiD* as i have been called all mua lyfe... i dont kno i guess im just finnaly talkin and cryin and tellin it all and i do care if i hurt someones feelings here and im sorry if i do but seriously why does it havta come down to this point i mean i understand u care and u just want whats best for me... but seriously do u kno what is best for me? and if u dont why are u tryin to do sumthin *ToO* help, but everytyme i try to tell u what can possibly do to help me u push it away and have to have it ur way.. u gotta understand that makes the fuckin situation worse... whatever...
Neways i guess thats all i have to say... it sucks im sitten here at 6:30 in the morning writing about this but hey shit happens and i gotta do what i gotta do and if writing it down to have him read this is what i gotta do it them so be it... cause i want him to read it i want him to understand how i am feelin... cause he just dont get it!!!!
Neways im goin to bed im pissed off and cryin and like seriously finnaly im happy .... but why .. like max says ..when ur happiest u gotta have someone there to push u down again... why do things gotta be that way... i dont understand it...
well nite ((good morning)) to ya'll
<33,
*Sophia*
P.s. Max i HeArT u BaBi.. hehe <3 ur boobie!! | 
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